DESPERATE CLINGING ONTO YOU

For 5 full hours I was lying on my bed - thinking, semi-napping (cx sleep), wishing, hoping, praying, crying, desperately clinging onto what was left in my faith-filled tank, which is pretty much running dry at the moment.

Yup, another brutually honest moment for me. Scary huh.

I actually prayed a prayer that went like this, "Oh God, if it means being in a comma for one week, just to experience you for real, like seriously, to have a tangible encounter with you, I would do it. Just one week though, or maybe two." How desperate would you be so that you can experience the God, the Creator of your existence?

Funny how during those 5hrs of honest conversation with God, along the way I made this comment. Full of anger (close to hate but not quite there yet, and pure desperationg, and yet there still was a hint of hope, knowing that it will all be alright, i said to Him, "Oh God, if you seriously want me to continue to hang on to what I know is true, you better do something with my situation. This isn't funny. I'm at the end of the tight rope and am almost ready to let go. Please do something man, do something soon too. I can't hold much longer." Fortunately, i was pretty exhausted from all that crying, i kinda slept when Joy left for work.

This morning i had two calls regarding a few job applications i handed in on saturday. Both were good news...well one wasn't exactly good news coz i had to reject the great offer due to circumstances. But still they were good news. On the trip back from uni i realise how it is really something that i had those two phone calls and thought could this be a sign from God?

Hmmm..maybe there is still hope. Confusing huh!! I really don't know what to make out of it now.

Cheryl